Anger Management Issues in Children

Being a child can be hard. Situations and emotions can be confusing. Children can be affected by situations differently than adults. Moments of anger, or “acting out,” in children are normal. But as parents, it’s important to teach your children how to deal with their anger from a young age. Learning to cope effectively with your anger at a young age is important in a child’s social and emotional learning (SEL).

Path to improved health

A lot of things cause children stress. Stress can lead to anger. Situations that may cause stress include:

• Welcoming a new sibling
• Parents’ divorce
• Going through foster care or adoption
• Starting school
• Struggling in school
• Changes in home or lifestyle
• Processing new feelings
• Bullying, which can start at a young age
• Traumatic events
• Death of a loved one

There are some ways you can help plan ahead to minimize your child’s anger. These include:

• Set rules or limits. Establish boundaries so your child knows what to expect.
• Be consistent and follow through. Tell your child what the consequence is for a unacceptable behavior, then follow through with that consequence. For example, if you don’t want your child to misbehave in a store, tell them before you go to the store that the consequence will be to leave the store immediately. If you don’t act on rules all the time, then your child won’t know when you’re serious. You may confuse your child instead of helping Them. This can lead to anger and stress for both of you. Think before you tell them the consequence. Make sure it’s appropriate for unacceptable behavior.
• Reward good behavior. Praise your child when they follow the rules.
• Practice what you preach. Set a good example and be a role model.

In instances when your child is angry or acting out, try to calm them by following these steps:

• Don’t become angry. Your calmness will help your child relax.
• Pull your child aside if they are around others. Being alone with you may make them more comfortable and willing to share the reason for the anger.
• Talk to your child in a kind tone. Use a level they understand.
• If your child continues to be angry, pause your talking. Hugging or touching your child may help. It lets them know you care.

Help your child with anger issues

Younger children may not understand their emotions. They may not know what anger is or how to recognize it. In these cases, it might be best to ask them to draw their feelings. Ask them to show why they feel the way they do. Also, teach them the common signs of anger, which include:

• The urge to scream or hit
• Clenched fists
• Quickened heartbeat
• Tense (sore) muscles
• Stomachache
• Body shakes

When children are old enough to understand their feelings, it’s important to talk to them in more detail. Doing so can let them know anger is normal. Talk about the situation and their feelings. This can help them, and you, figure out why they’re angry. Plus, talking may lead to a calmer attitude. Ask children questions, such as:

• What are you feeling right now?
• Can you tell me why you’re feeling that way?
• What situation made you feel this way?
• Are you having thoughts of hurting yourself or someone else?
• Have you had these feelings before, and when?
• How can I help you feel better?

Once you identify your child’s anger, help them find ways to control it. For example, suggest they can count to 10 before talking or acting when anger starts.

Things to consider

Anger issues can worsen or become habits if left unnoticed or untreated. Some symptoms of a serious anger issue include:

• Lies repeatedly
• Steals
• Has frequent outbursts that escalate quickly
• Has sudden or extreme mood changes
• Has a hard time sitting still and focusing
• Isn’t doing well or gets in trouble at school
• Is verbally abusive
• Physically hurts oneself or others, such as siblings, pets, or kids at school
• Threatens to harm or kill oneself or others

If you think your child has a serious anger issue, they will need to go to the doctor for diagnosis. Seeing a doctor for your child’s anger doesn’t mean they have a serious issue. Your child may need guidance on how to express and manage their feelings. And as a parent, you may need tips on how to support your child.

Sometimes serious anger issues are a sign of a mental health or behavioral condition. Your doctor can diagnose your child correctly. They will talk with your child, perform a physical exam, and review signs and symptoms. Sometimes an emotional exam, or assessment, may be done as well. Your doctor will want to know about your family history of mental health and behavior problems. The doctor will ask about your family life and your child’s personal life. Your doctor will ask your child’s teacher or school nurse about his or her behavior at school.

Treatment options for these conditions are available. They often include a mix of medicine, therapy, and education. Talk therapy may be offered. This can happen between your child and a specialist. Or it may take place as a family or in a larger group. A counselor can help identify problems and methods to cope.

Your child may benefit from behavioral therapy as well. Meet with your child’s school if special care is needed. They may meet the requirements of the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). This allows children to get customized education plans to help them at school.

Talk to the doctor or specialist about the benefits, risks, and side effects of treatment. Children who have mental health problems should be assessed regularly.

Questions to ask your doctor

• Why does my child get so angry?
• What should I do if I’m concerned about my child’s behavior?
• What can I do to help my child manage their anger?
• What can my child do to manage their own anger?
• Is my child more likely to have a mental health condition if I do or it runs in our family?
• What treatment options are best for my child?
• Should we go to therapy as a family?

Resources

American Psychological Association: Here’s advice from psychologists on how to help kids cope with anger and frustration

Child Mind Institute: Angry Kids: Dealing with Explosive Behavior